I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
