i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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