he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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