just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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