my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize