Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
