i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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