just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
