Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
