My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's just like the Real World with babies
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
