Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
