She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
