He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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