i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
