if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
