i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have demons in me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
