Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
