he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
