That's when you crack a 10am beer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
