I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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