My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize