toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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