I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
