i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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