I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
