I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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