Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
