I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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