CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
