i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
