Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
