I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
