I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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