You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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