yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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