i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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