Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
