So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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