My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
