There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
