why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
