I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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