i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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