Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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