Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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