You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
