This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
