It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
