I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
