my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
