My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
