I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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