Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
