she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
