I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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