Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize