So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
