I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
