He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize