Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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