I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
