I heard we made out
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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