his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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