I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
