And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
