Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
