ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
